Kink Curious

For a long time (years?) I have patrolled the backroads of the blog world, and the internet, reading about the thoughts and deeds of those that partake in interesting sexual activity. I really don't know why I do this. I like reading about this sub culture, looking at the pictures they post, figuring out from the half said things what is really going on there. The thought of participating in some of the activities does not excite me at all though. I did say some, not none *wink*. I wonder if my kink is a form of digital voyeurism.

I can relate to some bloggers' tastes (say Charges' love of porn, not not of her love of rough anal sex porn) but what turns others on is a total mystery. I can, to a point, understand that there are things that people find sexually exciting. I can understand that some of those things may not even be, in my eyes, construed as sexually related at all. But when it comes to the end of my "normal" yardstick and the activities extend beyond it it, then I am left in a limbo land that despite trying to be as open minded as possible, I cannot follow.

When I was about 14 I wrote a piece of erotic fiction. I can still remember my fear that my parents would find it as I added to the story each night and then hid it under my mattress. It was many pages long and handwritten (no PCs back then apart from my new TRS-80 with no storage). I don't remember very much about it apart from the fact it involved Nazis, bondage and sex. The story excited me, and possibly the thought of being caught being "naughty" might have excited me too.

At 14 I had NO idea about sex from a pornography perspective (had the obligatory Where Did I Come From book at 13 though), apart from what I had read in my furtive reading of Blue Movie that was on the top shelf of my parent's bookcase. But that was enough to get the hormone crazed neurons firing enough to put pen to paper. My memory banks have supplied the the image of me tearing it up into little pieces one day, but I wonder if I really did.

I still enjoy reading erotic fiction, some is more exciting to me than even pictorial porn. Yay for imagination! It has crossed my mind, more than once or twice, to write some myself. But that would maybe say something about what is hidden inside me that I don't want others to know, think, believe. And that is weird because I usually don't care what people think of me at all.

So I in my suburban life find a few thrills outside the norm by regularly reading blogs like this and this or this , all fairly tame in the spectrum of kink out there, and dreaming about being more sexually interesting.