I Am Unhappy And I'll Tell You Why
Apart from going to my friend's funeral today, I have generally been quite miserable for the last couple of months.
First I was prepared to put up with it because hey I am a woman and we put up with all sorts of painful nasty thoughts and events. But the universe in it's infinite capacity to bung things right in your face, kept chucking shit up until I had to say "OK that's enough, I know what I have to do already".
I love change as long as I am working towards an outcome, a goal, something that will better the current situation. In my job I mostly think about how I can make things faster, easier and sometimes cheaper. I like thinking that way, making new processes and procedures, getting things "sorted". I love planning and getting people involved and enthused. It's a buzz to have a team of people work on and accomplish something. It's great!
So what the hell has all this got to do with being miserable? It's because several times in the last year I have been instructed to "close your eyes and imagine yourself doing exactly what you want to do/be/have". So imagining myself in 10 years time doing exactly what I wanted to do made me unhappy. Good hey?
Yes I know what I want to be doing, what I think being successful really means, what it all looks like ... it's not a flash plan...no fame or even huge riches .... just a business, a house, working when I want...
I am miserable because I am not working towards this goal. Miserable because I feel I am not getting anyone enthused or supporting me. Miserable because I know there is not one thing I cannot do if I want to do it....and yet here I am not doing it.
I'll keep you posted on my progress
First I was prepared to put up with it because hey I am a woman and we put up with all sorts of painful nasty thoughts and events. But the universe in it's infinite capacity to bung things right in your face, kept chucking shit up until I had to say "OK that's enough, I know what I have to do already".
I love change as long as I am working towards an outcome, a goal, something that will better the current situation. In my job I mostly think about how I can make things faster, easier and sometimes cheaper. I like thinking that way, making new processes and procedures, getting things "sorted". I love planning and getting people involved and enthused. It's a buzz to have a team of people work on and accomplish something. It's great!
So what the hell has all this got to do with being miserable? It's because several times in the last year I have been instructed to "close your eyes and imagine yourself doing exactly what you want to do/be/have". So imagining myself in 10 years time doing exactly what I wanted to do made me unhappy. Good hey?
Yes I know what I want to be doing, what I think being successful really means, what it all looks like ... it's not a flash plan...no fame or even huge riches .... just a business, a house, working when I want...
I am miserable because I am not working towards this goal. Miserable because I feel I am not getting anyone enthused or supporting me. Miserable because I know there is not one thing I cannot do if I want to do it....and yet here I am not doing it.
I'll keep you posted on my progress
posted by Allison Reynolds at 5:52 PM
1 Comments:
Hallelujah, Sister.
Welcome to my world :-)
Someone told me once that I got sick to make me slow down and smell the roses instead of chopping them off as I raced past. The rose-cutting racing person is long since dead and now I am the rose and I watch the world race by.
There is some twisted sort of irony in there. Funny that. Im still trying to come up with some new goals... let me know if you see any going cheap, will ya?
PS - very sorry about your friend. All those bullshit platitudes included. It was quick. That is a blessing. She's still walking with you and watching over you. That's the bit that counts, eh.
:-)
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