You Are All Bastards!

One day till my birthday and not one thing in the mail apart from the welcome letter from Jack Green telling me they will be charging me $170 a month for electricity for the next few years. I feel good about doing stuff for the environment but holy fuck that's a lot of power bill.

I am so glad my birthday is tomorrow and not on Friday. What with all this depressing hanging of Australian drug smugglers and all. My birthday only co-incides with the cheerful World AIDS Day. Wasn't I overjoyed when they announced that! Nothing like the thought of a terrible disease on your birthday.

I you check here tomorrow you can see all the other shit that went down on my birthday. Most of it is dull, but it was the day that Rosa Parks sent a big black FUCK YOU to the white American world by not moving to the back of the bus.

One more sleep!!

You Have To Laugh

I know at least one of our readers out there *waves to Morticia* will understand what I am going to rave on about today.

Having Multiple Sclerosis means you get fairly organised about certain parts of your life. You may not have your house clean or your finances under control, but by god you have a good idea about what places you will be visiting will to have stairs, air-conditioning and handy toilets.

With my change in job I have to go 2 days a week into St Leonards (about 15kms away). I have been driving it the last few weeks but the $30 a day in parking, tolls and petrol was making that choice a bad one. Next I looked at trains but that was just too logistically difficult when I compared it to taking the bus.

Taking the bus. Sounds so simple. I am sure way back when I would not have thought twice about taking the bus. My children have been catching the bus to school since they were in single digit ages. Nothing to worry about. But worry I did.

I work hard at looking normal. On a good day you will see me striding confidently down the road and think nothing at all was up. But in that confident image is a woman who has thought long and hard about road crossing, footpath conditions, clothes and in particular shoes, to ensure my grip on this earth feels as steady as possible.

Back to the bus. First consideration is the 150 metre walk to the bus stop along roads with no footpath, dragging along a laptop in a wheelie bag. Do I wear office heels and totter along? (Which is a laugh as they are less than an inch high, but high enough to scare the part of me that screams “you can’t feel your feet!”) Do I pop on runners and swap shoes over in the office. Can my hands manage to pull the wheelie bag AND carry a shopping bag with office heels in it as well? Can I manage to do all that PLUS climb into the bus, pay for the ticket, and sit down without a) falling over and/or b) tipping the contents of the bags/wallet all over the place?

To add an extra dimension to this puzzle was the fact that it has been raining here for the last few days. Indeed it was raining this morning when I woke. So chuck in whether I could carry all of the above PLUS an umbrella. A large golfing sized umbrella.

Choices needed to be made and I went the minimalist route. No running shoes and no umbrella. I think I made the right choice too. The bus was late and full of damp people with cranky expressions and wet umbrellas. I elegantly forced myself on, paid without flinging coins in the drivers face and grabbed a seat next to a large snoring man.

I bet no one guessed what a victory that was for me. No slip ups today! Now tomorrow I have to catch that same bus again…..

I'm Nicola Tesla

Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Buttercup

The Formal [noun]: Abbreviation of the term "formal occasion". Australian equivalent to Valedictorian dinner. Not as formal as a debutante ball.
_______

For the last two nights my son has been at that highschool students' gateway to Australian adulthood, the Year 10 formal. One night to escort a partner who attends an all girls school, one night to his own. Alone. While some parents look glowingly down on their children as they trot off, dressed to the nines, my mind was cast back to the horror that was my Year 10 formal.

Starting with the dress. Oh my goodness. The dress.

I came from a poor family who did not have the money to fund some amazing concoction of lace, taffeta and tulle. My parents had insisted that I get a casual job as soon as I was able and pay one third of all I earned to my parents as board and lodgings. The lure of 2/3rds of $3.50 an hour was just too much for a poor girl like me, so I shook hands on the deal and grabbed a job at the local Mexican family restaurant that had opened across the road from the graveyard.

After the board and lodgings deal I knew better than to even ask my parents to help with the purchase of any dress, and I knew that I could not afford anything like what the other girls would have. So I scoured the shops for the closest thing that look passable, without being too embarrassing.

I found it in a discount clothing seconds outlet.

In my adolescent brain, shiny material meant "expensive looking", yellow meant "favourite colour". What shiny yellow did not mean to me then, but does to me now is "buttercup". This dress was more like a sun dress than a formal occasion and so I purchased a pair of strappy yellow sandals to go with it (what other colour shoes can you get to go with yellow?).

I don't have any pictures to prove how bad this really looked (my father tore up all photographs of the family when my parents marriage fell apart). Maybe it was OK. I don't remember crying in toilets and I had a bunch of supportive friends who would have lied to make sure I felt alright about my outfit. But I stood out like a sore thumb and I was acutely aware of how different I looked to all of the other participants.

So when your child is heading out the door and they look like this (see below) tell them they look wonderful, because it is pretty hard being a buttercup amongst a field full of roses when you are 16.

I'm With Stupid

I have been on the internet for a long time. A bloody long time. I have also lived life fairly fully in my XX number of years on this planet. So it was about 1999 that I came to the conclusion that everyone who uses the internet for more than 4 hours a week has a psychological illness.

Here is a link to a fabulous cornucopia of illnesses being demonstrated. Paranoia, defensiveness, uncontrolled aggression and the list goes on.

I have diagnosed my illness as being a short term memory thing. I KNOW that in a forum setting people degenerate into total fucktards in a crowd (much as they do drunk in real life). I KNOW that the majority of them are loveless spoilt brats that would rather point the finger at others than adjust their own behaviour. Yet I still try and protect the forum because I feel responsible for it. Damn you short term memory thing, the place has changed. The Gen Ys are in and they are pissing on the white carpet!

No wonder I prefer not to write there any more.

Leaving my job and starting photobucket account

Hi Everyone,
My name is darrkon. After 5.5 years, I am leaving my job. Another job was offered to me, but I might not be able to take it, since the starting date collides with when i am able to leave, but never mind, I am sure I will find something better.

Of late, not a lot has happened. Work has been bogged down with some major projects that are running way over deadline, and the client site contains a guy that always complains.. true most of the time he is right about how shit things have been organized by my company, but still, after a while I just dont want to hear it. Fortunatley I will be leaving soon (3 weeks from today) and then it will all be over. I will either have my new job, or be looking for another, but its a big change in my life either way.

Of also much excitement to report is my photobucket account, which you can view here:

http://photobucket.com/albums/c397/darrkon/
(edited by Gramyre)

Sorry, I dont know how the html and shit work for this fucking piece of shit thing, so you will have to copy and paste the link manually. Its worth it though, theres some of my finest picture collections in it, and it will grow ever more.... Plus I am thinking of registering to get 1gb of space and no banner ads.. so wont that be fucking dandy.

Besides this, nothing really going on. I am having a $950 car stereo upgrade on Saturday which I hope will be quite exciting (all pioneer equipment). This includes a 12" sub in a custom designed enclosure, a 6cd pioneer stacker and 4 x 60w amp. All installed in my civic.

IRC is lots of fun, and I am still scavenging the Internet for pictures.

Love you lots and hope to talk soon.

Love,
Darrkon

7 Sleeps Till My Birthday

Every year I hope that my friends, family and acquaintances know me well enough, and have listened hard enough to the things I have mentioned I would like. Alas I have only met a few people that get the same enjoyment out of picking a gift that will be exactly what the person wants or would like. Most people seem to do some strange "oh I don't know what to get so I'll just grab these...towels...yeah they will be just what she wants!".

My mother is the queen of buying bizarre presents. For my 21st birthday she bought me a small clown doll sitting next to a pot of silk flowers, encased in a clear plastic box. Hmmm. Well I know I wasn't living at home at the time, and I know everyone else would normally get a party and some nice coming of age momento, but what did I do that was so bad to DESERVE a small clown doll? I don't even like clowns. One Christmas she bought my ex-husband a kids shampoo and conditioner set. Two Christmases ago she bought me some stone dolphins. Maybe the strange present choice is something to do with my buying her gin as a present most Mother's Days.

Well to avoid all of that I have this year drawn up a wish list. It is a special birthday so I think I am allowed to semi-dictate my wishes. I have given you a week to go out and get them before the party. They aren't listed in any particular order and they cover the budget spectrum. You can even nominate what you are getting in the comments section if you wish. Saves on the doubling up and having to fight it out who is going to return the gift. Links are suggestions only of the type of thing I want, no need to actually purchase them where I have said.

Gramyre's Birthday Wishlist

2 x 300 gig sata drives
PDA Mobile phone
2006 organisor (small enough to fit in handbag, big enough not to go blind reading it)
handbag shop gift voucher
Coloured diamond
Plastic surgery gift voucher
PC Game Gift Voucher
Books and Stuff

Ugh

It's the best photo I could get out of Jeremy...he likes to be arty and isn't too good with the focus on my camera but oh well.

I am nearly 26 weeks gone and I am really starting to feel it. Getting into and out of bed is hard. I can't get comfortable. Baby is a real kicker. I'm often out of breath and my heart races. I have put on 20kg exactly. All this and I still have 14 weeks left!

Anyways, I'm still distributing Homecare magazines and hope I can keep it up. I went for a swim this weekend and I want to get back into that too. I am praying I never lose the motivation to be active entirely. It was really hard to get motivated the first time round and I know that if I ever stop, it's going to be just as hard to get back into it. It really, really scares me.

Enough jabbering from me.

How Much Is Your Service ?

I have had my mobile phone number for at least 5 years. I am not one of those people that seem to change their number every 6 months and have multiple entries in your address books. I have stuck with my number through thick and thin. I have refused the lure of great plans and hot new hardware. I have not even THOUGHT of changing my number....well that part is not quite true.

You see, about a year ago I started getting strange calls. Just getting a call in itself was strange as I use my phone mainly for business calls or to ring the children to say I am going to be late. I ring people, people don't ring me (probably because I have trouble getting to the ringing phone in my bag before if goes to voicemail). My home-made ringtone (the Harry Potter theme) is rarely heard in the average week.

But when it did ring the conversations would go something like this...

[cue Harry Potter]
*scramble about in handbag madly to find phone before it cuts off after two rings*

Me: Hello, Gramyre speaking
Male Voice: Hi do you have a spot free this afternoon?
Me: Errr what?
Male Voice: Oh sorry wrong number *hangs up*


Or the alternate

Me: Hello, Gramyre speaking
Male Voice: How much are your services?
Me: What???
Male Voice: Oh sorry wrong number *hangs up*


Once I finally cottoned on to what these gentlemen were asking I became curious as to why they were calling MY number. Did I have a secret enemy that had scrawled my number on a toilet wall somewhere. Was it *god forbid* ON THE INTERNET? Who would have done such a thing.

I put on my detective hat and noted that every call was coming through from Melbourne numbers (those that had their numbers displaying) so it wasn't something local and it wasn't something on the internet *phew*. It took several attempts to talk to these men to get to the bottom of it all. Understandably they didn't feel like sticking around to chat about trying to engage a prostitute, even if it was with the total stranger that they had just rung and asked if they could book in for "an all services plus a flogging with a tennis racquet".

It seems that a lady regularly advertises her services in a local newspaper in Melbourne. Nothing unusual there. And although her number is similar to mine, it is still printed quite correctly in the paper. What seems to happen is these men who are probably panting and frothing at the mouth for a good rogering, were consistently getting one number wrong and end up talking to a bemused woman thousands of kilometres away.

From the amount of wrong number calls I get (and they would only be a small percentage of the number of calls she would get in total) I would say this lady is doing quite well in her business! Alas now although I have not changed my mobile phone number I do let any Melbourne number go through to my voicemail that clearly states they have rung "Gramyre of XYZ company".

It's when they have an unlisted number that they still catch me out.

*Harry Potter theme plays*

Me: Hello, Gramyre speaking....you want WHAT?!?!


8 sleeps till my birthday

Shameless Self Promotion

In trying to recoup some of the money I spent on my holiday in Vietnam I have created this. It would make a fabulous Christmas present for that kooky Aunt or work colleague who is always going on about travel....or whatever. BUY NOW

11 sleeps till my birthday

If I Want To Know How You Feel I'll Read Your Blog

You know what? I want to have a high traffic blog like the BIG blogs that dot the net. I think I have what it takes to write pithy stories of my childhood, bag the crap out of celebrities and take a political view that is cutesied up with my off-beat sense of humour.

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

I am not sure WHY I would want that though. And proclaiming you want such a thing is kind of verboten on the net. All big bloggers will say "oh I just started this little thing for my friends and family" but I say bollocks to that! I want BIG I want BOOK DEALS I want to work from home and earn $500 a week doing NOTHING.

To that end I think I will be going solo (blogging not masturbating)as part of my BIG DREAM WEBSITE sometime soon.

12 sleeps to my birthday

Watch this for a laugh

I Can't Believe I am An Adult

I don't know about you, because many of you are not quite adults...yet, but I often have periods of age confusion. You see my birthday is coming up soon. One of those fabulous birthdays that end in zero and have cards that mention droopy tits and being over the hill and life beginning at *0. Trouble is my brain, depending on mood and circumstance, believes it is somewhere between 11 and 17 years old. Well either 11 or 17 actually, no in-between.

I am sure psychiatrists would make a packet out of getting me to try and grow up, but I really don't want to. I love giggling at dirty jokes. I love being silly when I go shopping. I cannot BELIEVE that I have a CAR and I am allowed to drive it on the ROAD!

My work colleagues see me as some smiley competent woman striding purposefully through the office, dealing with crises faster than a speeding bullet, able to leap emergencies in a single bound. Whereas I see myself playing dress ups every morning putting on the power suit and the pointy shoes and tottering off to earn ridiculously huge sums of money (please Miss can I have 40,000 Mars bars!).

While all of this seems a lot of fun, there are times when I am absolutely paralyzed with fear. This is when I look in the mirror and the little girl face I expect to see smiling back at me is instead MY MOTHER'S FACE. How on earth did that happen? Jowls for fuck sake! If I had the cash I would have the face tacked up (along with the guts removed).

13 days till my birthday

Goddamnit!

I've just finished watching the series 'Taken'. Dontcha hate those really sad endings where for a while afterwards you can't help but feel melancholy?

What's up with this Goddamned weather. It went from about 35 degrees to 10 in less than an hour here yesterday and it's still freezing. I thought I'd said goodbye to winter for a while. Grrrr!

I Am Back

And if you haven't read my travel blog and looked at the beautiful pictures then do so NOW!

http://backpackingvietnam.blogspot.com

Seems like the blog took baby steps while I was away. Boooo to the lazy people who never post anything. I SHAME you. SHAME!!

Started my new job and things are not going as well as I would like with me making simple mistake after simple mistake. Mind you only I really know I am making the mistakes...so it's me kicking my own arse.

Coming up to my birthday in the next couple of weeks. Prepare for whinging!

Funniest porn trailer ever

This was posted on SA and is definitely too racy for the Atomic Forums so I thought I'd share it here.

There is video and just the soundtrack which is 90% as funny and still hilarious for those who don't look at porn. YES THIS IS PORN, A PORN TRAILER TO BE EXACT BUT STILL VERY NEWS!

Video

MP3


So fucking classy that I can't stop laughing.

Proud

The boy, as he is known and shall be known, came bearing proud news in the form of a secret he wouldn't tell me over the phone - Odd in itself since he whispers all his secrets to me in our nightly calls.

His kindergarten group had done an Intelligence test of types and he had "won"! What his mother explained to me was it was part general knowledge/part intelligence measuring. A lot of colour, pattern, shape type questions were used and he scored 100/100 for it, his nearest rival being on 83/100. His highlight was that no-one else knew what a hexagon was!

We've known for a while he inherited my memory, which has always been good - managed to get me through school in pretty good shape despite my poor attendance, poor study habits and all the other shit. All he needs to do is settle a little and start showing a bit more respect for authority figures and he'll do well at school and we're working on that.

Joel on...

No, I'm not the cool Joel Software dude


Other Posts
Got rid of that other post that probably didn't need posting. Thank you newt, much needed banter there!

Life
Life is as good as it should be but I don't seem to be enjoying it as much as I should. Maybe wallowing a little, in self pity as much as procrastination or anything else.

The weekend
Hopefully taking the little one out and about, maybe the aquarium or maybe back to the zoo and definitely want to hit the museum again soon - It's hard to choose and Tyler's innate sense of choosing will lead to the most expensive choice.

People
I really want to meet more people yet I so want to be alone for a little while longer. I really ned to make some new friends outside my current circle though, it's feeling a little inbred.

Woohoo!

Goddamn but I love summer!