Life Is A Time Bomb

I am living a dual life at the moment. In my mind I am ramping up to be a successful millionaire businesswoman but those around me have no idea that this is the case. I am ecstatic that I am working my way towards getting out of working for someone else. I am joyful that the effort to get there is all mine. I am grateful that I have the courage to do these things. I am happy I have great friends and family that let me be myself and get on with it. I am changing me again and I LOVE it!

Meanwhile thought I would put you onto some excellent blogs that should make you chuckle/think/cry a bit

http://facepalm.blogspot.com
http://britslashyank.blogspot.com/
http://enthalpy.blogspot.com/
http://scaryduck.blogspot.com/
http://www.loveisacunt.blogspot.com/
http://thisisyourwar.blogspot.com/
http://drunksex.blogspot.com/
http://thetoffee.blogspot.com/
http://stillstream.com/listen.php (so that's where that link went)
http://oushikoso.blogspot.com/
http://pengor.blogspot.com/
http://laowai.blogspot.com/ (if I was into older guys, single and not so anti-yank I would make a play for this guy)
http://pagesixsixsix.blogspot.com/

Demons

I am finally going to get some real help for all my demons.

I have tried to get free counselling on numerous occasions but it's never happened. I've been suicidal, called lifeline and gotten no answer. Jeremy got on first go last night and gave him some numbers for services in my area. I asked my local GP to give me a list once but she never got back to me.

In any case, I'm going to take mum up on her offer to pay for a real psych. I told Jeremy a couple of my secret stories last night, stories only my sister knows, and he thinks I need a real psych. Not some sort of undertrained counsellor. I think he's right.

I don't know whether I'm fixable or not, but it's sad that I spent my younger years looking for love in all the wrong places and now that I have it I can't seem to accept it.

Went Bowling Last Night

With a bunch of people from work. I had taken a semi sickie where I turned up at the normal time and then went home with a headache (and spent most of the day in bed with _HaunT_ talking). _HaunT_, the kids and I then rock up at the local bowl-a-rama for a $100 worth of fun in a 90 minute space of time. I bowled the usual one game over 100 and the second game a dismally poor 80ish as my arse, hamstrings, sciatica and everything else started screaming in pain.

It was weird as we were our own little unit and so didn't really talk to anyone about anything. We mostly cheered ourselves on and ate bowling alley food (yes we must have been suicidal).

Tonight we have reserved tickets to a colleague's thespian effort but as they did not give me any details while I was in NZ, I have allowed the children to be out doing other things. As much as I would like to scoff some kangaroo at the pub that is local to the theatre, I think I'll be too busy driving and dropping squealy teenagers to actually get there.

In fact I would like a takeaway Chinese and to sit on the lounge and get into the LOTR marathon I keep talking about but not doing.

Home (For 10 Or So Days)

The house smelled funny as I walked in the door. A sweet smell like jam. Not like the orangey smell of my hotel room from the fun sized soaps and shampoos that I stashed in my bag for the flight home. Note to self: do not take the the hand lotion home as it freezes and expands in transit, popping the lid off and filling the toiletries bag (and the toothbrush beside them) with something the colour and texture of semen. Smells like oranges though so CSI would know instantly there hasn't been a crack pot whacking off onto my anti frizz.

Only here for 10 days before I go off again. At least I will get the weekend off to rest and have been thinking about doing the Lord Of The Rings marathon (watching all 3 DVDs back to back) while reclining on the lounge under a doona.

Well back into work clothes and shouting at kids to hurry up or they will miss their bus.

Conditions

We use Fructis Shampoo and Conditioner and today I spied something whilst I was showering. There are two things in the directions that I've not seen on such a product before.

An expiry date - 09/07
Temperature recommendation - Below 30 degrees

I know such things can turn but never within a couple of years, but what flabberghasted me was the 'store below 30 degrees' notice. Like...it's a shower. I like my water hot and sometimes the shampoo bottle ends up on the floor. In summer it sits there in 40 degree heat. Do they expect me to put it in the fridge? Like duh. What happens to it anyway? Does it have some sort of active ingredient for killing bugs? If it did then I must have got it hot too soon because I still had to manually pick lice and nits out of my daughters hair not long back.

Anyways, that's my rant for the day. Back to work!

Home Again, Home Again , Jiggidy Jig

This afternoon I get on the plane and wing my way back to Australia. I will be relieved to be back in a country where simple requests are not seen as a confrontation, where whispering office politics of 20 years ago are not the norm and where the non-technical don't get so panicky about technical things.

Even though we have worked hard for 10 days straight I still feel like I haven't really done very much. Probably because I was focussed on one task when i am used to focussing on many at once.

Time to pack!

Spreading It Around

Ever had a piece of chewing gum go through the dryer? It's amazing how one little piece can cover 75% of a dryer's drum. It also takes about 30 minutes of rubbing with pure eucalyptus oil or de-solvit to get it off. It's happened to me about 8 times now. Not always my doing but always my gum :|

Tonight I had my Certificate IV graduation. Talk about dodgy. Those teachers must be sick of these things although the light supper was pretty good. Mmmm...cakes, biscuits, cheeses, crackers, fruits and pastry puffs. I got a 'Certificate of Achievement'. I got one of those for Certificate II as well. Someone else got 1st place but I don't mind coming second. Not at all. It came in a dodgy $1 frame and our general certificates all came with a congratulatory pin (which will end up in most people's garbage) and a fully formatted business size card that says 'congratulations'. Like that's really useful!

Bedtime. I'm soooooooo tired as usual.

Why mummy? Why?

Why do decent blokes and good mates always end up with controlling and idiotic bitches who brainwash them?

And how the crap, apart from kidnapping, do you get them to realise what an ugly, controlling, bitch she is?

Been a rough night already and its only 8PM. I hate losing friends to the dark side.

In the Twilight Zone...

I wonder if my house is haunted. When only one of us is here at night weird things happen. The front door will open time and again despite being locked. We're very conscious to tug it after closing it but it still happens. The screen door has also been known to open and close (not due to wind). Caitlin's room is also bad. When she's away you can sometimes hear her bunkbeds creak or knock against the wall and Jeremy's heard shuffling paper in there. The windows aren't open and this is a relatively new brick and tile home built on a slab.

I think Grams should put some feelers out for more contributors. Most of the current ones are a bit on the quiet side.

On a brighter note. Tim Tams rule. The Aldi equivalents rule too. A pack a day keeps the cake at bay :D

Lastly, just because I haven't posted one in a while. Here's a KooL pic.

What If...

Sunday morning here in a fairly religious country means lot's of God TV. When I blearily turned on the TV this morning a quasi-scientific looking program was on talking about multi-dimensionality (is that a word?) and whether the spiritual world could be one of these dimensions that we cannot comprehend but exist none the less.

Normally my mind closes at the mention of God because of my intense dislike of evangelism and fanaticism when it comes to faith. I did turn the TV channel over but in my early morning mind started thinking about understanding that that cannot be understood. Then a "what if" popped into my head.

What if other dimensions are detectable but only to those those who have the physical capacity to do so. What is those that we class as mentally ill are actually reacting to what they detect in other dimensions because they have they specific brain chemistry makeup to do so. What if psychedelia and drug induced altered states aren't brain created....

Ahh well there's some 20c philosophy questions to think about anyway. Kept me happy till my cup of tea was delivered.

Life's Pretty Good :)

I just had a rather great 24 hours. I went to mum's in Hurstville (where I saw Squidy again - always wearing earphones and oblivious to the world in his peripheral vision). I had a decent nights sleep which I simply can't get at home anymore and then we went shopping! All day! Mum bought me some stuff, I bought some stuff and I found a 68cm flat screen Telefunken TV at Target for $211. Jeremy's paying for that one. I had a great cafe breakfast, a great cafe lunch, and a double scoop ice-cream at this great place called Japan Crepes. Gotta get a crepe there sometime. They come rolled into a cone shape with all sorts of yummy stuff inside.

Jeremy's quitting smoking. He's been 8 days without one now. He's been a tad grumpy at times but he's not too bad.

Caitlin is also away. She spent the day with her dad and then I drove her to her friend's grandparents as they are taking her and her friend to the footy tomorrow. Brave souls! She'll then be taken by train back to her friend's house in Mittagong where she'll spend another night and be sent off to school. I'll see her on Monday night and then she's back to her friend's house on Tuesday as I have my graduation night. I'm kinda free (except for the bleeding football blaring on the new TV behind me). Now I just want to get back to 57kg before Tuesday night. I've been wavering between 59 and 61kg for a fair while. I'm about 59.5 now. What do you think my chances are?

Guest Laundry - Level 2

I do love spending time in hotel rooms. The small space where everything is cunningly hidden in cupboards. The lack of clutter. The service at a phone call. The program about Incan masonry methods on the cable television. Ahh nirvana.

I don't mind being separated from my loved ones for about a week or so. Then it starts to hurt. Probably because my children and I are together on a week on week off parenting arrangement. Separation from my partner is a more complex thing..

But the chance to be alone is something I truly cherish. At home I am never alone, at work the same. So I am constantly modifying my thoughts and behaviours to fit in with the people I am with and it is exhausting. I don't mean I am not really me, but I am thinking of who needs what and planning ahead for dinners, school stuff and whatever I have to for other people. So spending time by myself and pleasing just myself, is fabulous. I feel like Marge Simpson when she goes to the health farm, I can relax and put the worries of family and work out of my head. I can truly be selfish.

Why haven't I been posting...

Too busy with a new shit-kicker job and my knees are sore from kissing so much arse in an attempt to move back up the corporate ladder quickly. My other work has been the Lyrics Born remix competition that JJJ are running

So many possible ways to go and so much shit I've made, Finally got one that sounds pretty good but its going to take some mastering to get it just right.

Time isn't on my side

Why I Haven't Posted Recently

Well, that's because the part of my life (the part that doesn't include Jeremy) is so sedate and boring that I needn't bother. The part that does is giving me major stresses but he doesn't like me to discuss any personal details that include him with anyone else. I am becoming increasingly bummed out with my life. I've lost the will for so much these days.

Lazy Bitch

Knocked off work to go shopping in Wellington for a coat but it is gloomy so I retreat to my hotel room with its heater and cable TV and web access. I could so easily live in hotel rooms. MMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm it's crime night on Discovery Channel.

I have no idea why the other guys who should be blogging here aren't. If I wanted to make a private blog then I would have made one just for me.

Here is a picture from my hotel room



As you can see I am perfectly positioned should there be a fire. Only 3 floors up and at the front so the firemen with ladders can get me out safely.

I am on the same floor as the gym and pool which means occassionally someone dropping a weight will make a loud thudding noise even though it is over the other side of the floor. I wil be booking in for a massage with any luck....mmmmm.

Post damn you post!

Not Bad

My hotel room internet connection is downloading the last WoW patch at around 500KB/s. And so it should for NZ$29.90 a day....shit my 50 meg a day is blown though...50c a meg now on top of the costs

Watch Out Lambo

Hey UberZip!

I'll be in NZ from Sunday..again. This time in Wellington for 11 lovely days training people how to pick up their shiny new Cisco VOIP phone (as seen in ALL the best American TV shows) and make a call.



Then it will be back to the great land of Oz till the 5th and back to Kiwiland for another fun packed 11 days training people how to pick up their shiny new Cisco VOIP phone (as seen in ALL the best American TV shows) and make a call. But in Auckland this time.



Man is my bag going to be full of hotel shampoos and tea/coffee/milo sachets on my return!

Book and Movie Reviews

In the last week I have read one book and seen two movies

Death By Hollywood I picked this book up at the airport in Melbourne as I was there about 2 hours early for my flight. I had the choice of picking up another in the Pern series by Anne McCaffrey (I have read all of them bar about 2) or something new. I decided on crime rather than fantasy. Wrong choice.

For a start I did not open the slimmish paperback. If I had I would have noticed the print was the size of a See Spot Run type book. Man was I ripped off! I was lured by the siren song of Steven Boccho's name and I won't make that mistake again. Read the book in about 3 hours (which was about the length of the flight after the tow truck pushing the plane out broke down and there was much tooing and froing over an hour period to finally get in the air for the 53 minute flight). Boring blergh story with little to no redeeming features. In short, I could have written something similar (though I would have been knocked back for publication because I don't have a famous name).

Kingdom Of Heaven is not a bad movie. I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5. The visuals were great, the story was not mid boggling hard to figure out, and I wasn't looking for any political agenda. Orlando Bloom will always be a plaited androgynous elf for me. All this mucking about in other movies is just wasting his, and my, time. His dialogue was minimal, camera angles of him were quite masterful. The battle scenes were credible (man some recent movies have just made me cringe thinking of the tactics they have used)....so yeah, go see it if you get a free ticket.

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Went to see this last night (for our international readers Tuesday is half priced tickets day at the moves ....often referred to as Tight Arse Tuesday).

Now im going to be a complete slobbering nerd and say that I bought Douglas Adams' series as it was released. I can remember distinctly doing so as a young teenager from a bookshop in Liverpool (Australia). I was hooked from then on. I watched the TV show when it was screened and I have the DVD of the series now. So I kind of class myself as a fan (even though I have not heard the radio series). My son is also a fan after seeing the DVD (and I will buy him the books for his birthday).

So it was with some trepidation I went to see the Hollywood version of the movie made by someone who had never read the books or seen the old series.

I must say it was a credible effort even so. I'd give it a 4 out of 5 ..some of that is for nostalgia's sake and some for the way new story line was worked into the plot. The romance angle though was a BLERGH! Why? Whyyyyyyyyyy? Hmm just for that I'll drop it to a 3.5. They should have cut that crap out. It is totally not needed.

Seeing the "original" Marvin from the TV series making a cameo was cute (and is that Tom Cruise in a cameo too? I am useless with those things, I barely recognise my own children in a crowd).

Have a few drinks then go see this one so you laugh more than I did (which wasn't much).

My new workmates in short sentences.

There's a fat Maori girl who like me. There's a girl next door who's overly nice to me. There's hot, too-young-for-me Asian girls that I hang with who are fuckloads of fun. There's a cool Korean guy who is loaning me some Korean martial arts movies. There's a cool Tongan guy who's not a bad bloke.

There's also an aggressive red-head who annoys me to all fuck with her pushy politeness. Another red-head proclaimed Jew who has to have a say about everything and multiple people would like to stab her. There's lots of Indian guys I have a little trouble understanding and when I do understand they are boring as fuck.

I like the place already :D

One Perfect Day

One perfect day I will come home from a hard day at work and the house will be spotless and not cluttered. The surfaces will be dusted. There will be hot water for me to have a shower and a clean and dry towel for me to use. The pool will be sparkling and the filter cleaned. The grass will be mowed and the weeding done. There will be a hot cup of mud and a foot massage waiting. There will be appreciative ears wanting to hear about my day and questions about what I wanted for dinner. Then it would be cooked for me, and I wouldn't have to shout at anyone to stack the dishwasher or wipe the counters. Later it would be down to a bedroom where on the floor is only carpet. There are no boxes still unpacked after a year in that bedroom and there isn't a years worth of dust and cobwebs hiding on top of things. I would be told that I am loved.

Ugh I dink I god a cod

Wouldn't you know it? I haven't been sick in about a year and now, on the eve of my teaching debut I come down with a cold. I can't exactly defer it seeing as I researched and prepared for this lesson in particular. I will be well and truly into the stages of clogged and spluttering tomorrow and I have several hand-outs I've prepared for the class that I can oh-so-nicely pass my infection around on. Having to constantly stop to blow my nose (which is already dripping) will also be truly pleasant. Oh well, shit happens I guess.

I went to spend the day with Mum in Sydney today. My sister came too (and Caitlin of course). We went to lunch (Revesby Workers Club fed us all bread, salad, lunch, desserts and drinks for $42 all up - talk about cheap...was great!). Had a good old gasbag. Set up the computer Spent built for her (niiiiiice one too). Neville (the senile, ill tempered family member we have suffered all our lives) gave me $60 for mother's day. I hate it when he does that. He kinda buys you off every so often because he can be a right arsehole at other times. Mum won't let me refuse it because he then goes on and on about it and makes her life miserable in weeks to come. Oh well, it paid for all our lunches which I couldn't otherwise afford.

Anyways, better get back to some other form of procrastination again. I need an early night for a change :|

Another Day Closer To Death

I am just wasting my life and I know it. Some people waste their lives but just don't think about it. I do think about it. I feel bad about it. But I still do it.

Woke up, went straight to computer, sat down, have only moved to go to toilet and eat breakfast. Yeah I know it is Sunday, and that here in Australia it is Mother's Day and so I, a mother, should be allowed to sit around doing sweet FA, but I do this most days. Well before and after I go to work. What a waste of my fabulous talents!

Mind you I have been mentally active while sitting at the PC. The internet is still my heroin after all this time (and it's been many many years since I first heard the screech of the modem hell my ICQ UIN is only 7 digits long and I didn't sign up for a year or two after I first hit the net). I love following my interests around and seeing where they head. I am not a full time "surfer" in the sense I go wherever the links take me, but I concertedly seek out answers to questions I have.

Example: went and saw Kingdom of Heaven last night. (don't start that I must have a life if I go to the movies, it's not something I do regularly and was still a major event in my mind). Anyway someone was burbling on the Atomicmpc forums about the fact Saladin brought ice to the King of Jerusalem on the battle field, which left me to check for details of the "true" story on the net, which then led me to some American woman preaching the movie was a pro- Al Quada vehicle being driven by the apologist Ridley Scott. Well that was my take on her little rant. Fun waste of time though.

Then because I was procrastinating before putting a load of washing on I decided to follow links from some favourite blogs I have book marked and came across this one. I love this woman's style of writing and though I am not big on anal porn (love lots of other porn though) I agree with what lots about what she says about being a woman when you are past that teenage/20's. If nothing else read the copy editing comments for a big laugh.

Annnnnyway...For pretension I should write better pap than the crap I spew here but fuck it. I am not going to save the world (nor even save myself at this stage). So blergh! *waves at Charges...you rock girl!*

My short lived career as an Automatic Transmission Mechanic

So I took my car down to the local Automatic Transmission workshop 'DanTrans' in Bankstown to see if anything is wrong with the Civic transmission.

Anyways, I am sitting down there waiting as it hasn't opened yet, when a guy comes up to me and says 'I am just going to leave it there, where does your boss normally park his car?'.

I should mention that at this point in time I have a freshly cut head of hair (guage 2), some stubble and I guess I look kind of like a working class man (GO GO JIMMY BARNES).

Anywho.. I told the guy I dont actually work there and am waiting for the mechanic myself.. but I tell you what, if that had been a 7 series BMW or similar.. 'Yeah mate, just leave the keys with me and pick it up at 10:30'.

This has often led me to wonder what other sort of scams you could get away with, without actually doing much. eg. Find out what time a courier normally visits a place, and stand out the front in a shirt and tie smoking, when the courier comes past tell him you can sign for it and take it inside later, 99% of the time they will accept that since its quicker for them, and you have scored yourself a free box of random!!


I am sure there are plenty of other ways to score free things on the sly but without requiring any great acting skills... mabey you gave some ideas?

Darrkon

You Are Not Your Uptime*

or a few words on the internet, television and truth.

I don't voluntarily watch the TV news any more, if it is on I will casually glance away from my screen to watch the bright and shiny, screaming bits. Then will turn away because I know none of it, even the images being portrayed, is true.

For news I will browse the internet news pages but will not believe those either as they are written by journalists that have been trained to sensationalise to ensure a greater readership. Capped off with nifty .swf pictures and pap in .mov form. Just to grab that 2.4 seconds of my attention that I can now spare to pop another useless piece of unfolding history into my bursting brain.

I often find myself escaping the internet altogether (well not ALL together) to World Of Warcraft playing my various characters, blocking out my immediate surroundings and situation, the world and the lies being told by the TV and internet.

In fact who tells the truth any more? The necessity for it has become redundant in many circles. Justice comes to those who have the most money, fame needs no truth and apathy has swallowed the up and coming generations because who really cares anyway?


* I was going to post this on the forums but pearls and swine do not mix

Meter Reader

I want to become a meter reader!

I decided that although I'm competent enough if given time, I don't want the stress of IT. I don't handle stress well except in crisis situations. Day to day stress makes me highly irritable. All I want is to be out there walking all day and to come home and only have the house/household members to consider. I don't care about having lots of money. I just want a job I love. Sooooo, whilst I'd love to be a park ranger, this is a hard job to get into. Meter reading is the way to go! I requested information from Integral and this is all I need:

Essential:
•School Certificate (or equivalent).
•NSW Class 1A Driver's Licence.
•Basic numeracy skills.
•Basic computer skills.
•Effective hand eye co-ordination to facilitate the expedient reading and recording of data.
•Effective interpersonal skills to enable the position holder to satisfactorily explain their role to customers and to request access to meters where necessary.
•Confidence with animals as the position frequently comes into contact with dogs and other animals.

Desirable:
•An awareness of metering operations and equipment.
•The ability to identify electricity meters which have been vandalised or illegally tampered with.

What a bleeding doddle! The only thing I don't know is the award salary and seeing as there are no positions available at current I won't know for a little while. Guess I'd better find out where we'll be living first.

Mind you, that would mean I've just wasted 3 years on study...but meh!

The jury's still out on this V2.5 deal. I'll have to buy a membership. I had meant to resubscribe but money is more than tight right now. We'll just have to see I guess.

My day

Its a good thing to get a little hope every now and then. It lets the spirit soar, the darkness lift and the clouds part; everything looks just a little brighter and little sparkles glimmer behind the curtains.

My room is suddenly warm, bright and inviting - everything shines once more. Creative juices flow, inspiration grows to boiling and chalk dust stains hands, shirts, pants and bedding.

I just can't stop smiling and drawing, half finished pastel drawings lay where there fall, ripped from the ring-bound book and discarded as more ideas take place, the need fills me to exploding and I must draw - Fuck I love days like this.